Tuesday, June 7, 2011

NTRPG Con Report (Part IV)

After smashing a glass of gin and insulting the waitress, we headed back to the Con when I made it clear I had to be back to play in a game. Actually, at this point I was feeling fairly inebriated and didn't know if I gave a crap about another game. I did know Allan Grohe was running it and decided that, yes, I wanted to attend. Jason had told me Allan was a great DM so I was looking forward to some AD&D. I guess. There was a lot of ambivalent thoughts going through my mind at the time and I began contemplating heading back to the restaurant and flirting with the waitress some more. My guess is that I had a 50/50 shot with her, even after the rampant stupidity. But, gaming beckoned and I heeded the call; there would be plenty of opportunity to get snubbed by waitresses in the future at other eateries.

I showed up 20 minutes late and asked if I could still play. Allan was going over some characters and indicated there wouldn't be a problem, as long as I played a cleric. He said, "You might consider a cleric." Which meant, to me, play a cleric. Two other players said they wanted a cleric. So I played a cleric. First of all, what's with all the cleric hate? Why doesn't anyone ever play clerics? How many short sentences can I write with cleric in them? Clerics cleric cleric cleric cleric! Maybe that only works with buffalo. WHATEVER. I say, no problemo, cleric it is. What did I care, I was the one who was late.

Allan gave me a choice of pre-gens, one 6th level and one 8th. Even when drunk I am not a complete moron, so I selected the 8th level cleric. Female. I asked about this and it was made clear that changing the sex to male might have repercussions with casting spells. Apparently Wee Jas doesn't particularly care for male followers, much like waitresses and your writer. I had to select a name: Lindsey. This was offered by someone at the table after I said I'd name her after an ex-girlfriend I hated. No idea who Lindsey was, but hopefully she was hot. I then selected an unpainted mini, it being the only one that resembled a cleric in any fashion. Lindsey the Gray was ready to go, her previous career in the adult entertainment industry left behind for a life of adventuring.

It was around this time that I asked for everyone's name. I made clear I meant real names, reminding me that this hobby is ambiguous when it comes to identity (especially where blogs are concerned if the comments on my past few posts are any indication). The gentleman to my right said he was Erol. Erol fucking Otus. What the hell? I had my Red and Blue books (Moldvay/Cook/Marsh) with me and he signed the covers after the game. Mr. Otus was nice, laughed at my stupid jokes and overall seemed like a cool guy, even if he looked nothing like I imagined. I don't even know what I though he'd look like, but maybe that was his plan: totally mindfuck all the gamers.

Anyway, I thought I played fairly well. I cast a bunch of utility spells, one of which was Locate Object. I found some coins and the party set out on a boat in an elaborate dungeon to find the loot. Yes, we were exploring a dungeon in a boat. The party then split up after killing a bunch of crabs, everyone but my character and a dwarf fighter using Water Breathing to investigate an underground lair. Of course the characters left in the boat were attacked. Dwarf died, my cleric somehow killed a sea hag. Cleric retrieved the body from the water and waited. Waited and waited. The other characters had found her lair and were gathering loot. The cleric decided it was taking too long and left, leaving up an unexplored stairway. Allan was nice and allowed me a small chance not to die, and of course I botched the roll. Party stranded, character dead, con goals achieved.

EROL OTUS SIGNED MY BOOKS! Three for three, suckers.


  1. "Lindsey the Gray was ready to go, her previous career in the adult entertainment industry left behind for a life of adventuring."

    Okay, I got Hi-C fruit Punch up my nose on that one.

    - Ark

  2. I liked when you got the word, cleric in as many sentences are you could. Excellent job.